Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
