I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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