new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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