you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
