At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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