We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
