My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize