I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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