just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
