i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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