i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
