just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
