dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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