id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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