so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
