He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
