lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
