YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
