from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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