i just had sex bonerless
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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