I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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