I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
