Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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