Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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