these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
