Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
