The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How naked do you want me to be?
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