We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
