I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
