if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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