I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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