when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
