I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Life is so much better after having sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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