i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
