Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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