so explain again why im purple
no
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
