My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
