I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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