question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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