RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
