as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
