i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
