Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
