okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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