i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
