Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
