he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize