Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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