So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my poor anus
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
