I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
