At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
