So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
