you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
