I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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