I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
