So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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