Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
