that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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