i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
