"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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