I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My life is pants optional.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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