FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
