these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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