brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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