Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
