we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize