I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
