Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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