she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
