have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
