The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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