i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
