We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
