You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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