He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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