Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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