I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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