six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
