the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
