shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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