Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
