I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
