hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
