You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
