yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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