mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
