Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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