I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
