The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
